A Home
by ACE5203
Summary: Spoiler, Future, and Song fic. A scary trio, I know. I think you'll like it though. It's about Luke and Lorelai and the dreams they have. Rating upped for language in chapter 7. And upped one more for 8, just a precaution. COMPLETE
1. A Home

Okay, this is my first fan fiction. Yes, there are spoilers for the end of season 6. Please feel free to tell me about any mistakes, grammar or whatever. And as always read and review.

Disclaimer: ASP owns… yadda yadda. I could do better than her lately, I think.

A Home_  
_

She listens as the young boy runs through the house. His laughter is heard over the drone of the washing machine as he heads for the door. The next sound is that of a man. Telling the boy to wait for him as he loudly stalks down the stairs. She hears their hurried goodbyes and watches out the window as they gather fishing gear from the garage and go off on a manly bonding adventure. As the old green truck drives away from the house she is content. Knowing this is all she needs, this family she's made for herself.

Suddenly her smile fades as the room becomes deathly silent, the bright light of the day fading.

_  
Not a night goes by  
I don't dream of wandering  
through the home that might have been_

She awakens now. Her skin is damp and her nightgown soaked, whether from the heat of the early morning or her restless sleep, she knows not. Getting up, she heads for the bathroom shedding her garment as she goes. The old brass knob of the shower is turned to cold and she steps in allowing her overheated body to cool. The water rains over her dark curls and down her body, a reprieve from the sizzling drops that adorned her skin when she awoke so abruptly.

_  
And I listened to my pride  
when my heart cried out for you  
now every day I wake again  
in a house that might have been  
a home  
_

Once dressed she makes her way to the kitchen, her day has begun and although only 5 in the morning she knows there is no way she will be able to go back to sleep now. Coffee made, she sits at the table. Despite the heat she welcomes the warm liquid on her lips… it is her elixir of life and not a day goes by that she can resist it.

It is this early time of day, when she is alone and has had one of her dreams that she reflects. For her a reflection of her life is full of viewing and judging various mistakes.

When she was seven at one of her parent's lavish parties and twirled and twirled in her frilly dress until it nearly came up above her head, causing laughter from the upper crust of Hartford society and nearly a seizure from her thoroughly embarrassed mother.

When she was sixteen and her coming out dress did not fit. When she realized why and had to tell her parents about her own impending motherhood.

That one time when she lost her young daughter in the super market, frantically searching and calling her name.

Sleeping with her daughter's father on a balcony at her parent's house after a particularly taxing Friday night dinner.

Waking her daughter on the eve of her first wedding to run away, not even bothering to call her fiancé. When she fought with the best friend she ever had over his punk nephew. Believing that Christopher had finally gotten himself together enough for her. Not telling Luke not to go away with Nichole. Dating 'Digger' Stiles to annoy her parents. When she fought with her daughter over the younger girl's sleeping with a married man.

Not telling Luke about 'tequila night' with Christopher. Not speaking up about April.

When she let things between her and the only man she ever truly loved get so bad.

But most of all, her reflections surround her greatest mistake and regret, when she told Luke she couldn't do it anymore and ran to Christopher, believing that he would be a friend, believing wrong. To this day she doesn't remember much about what happened.

Screaming. Crying. Driving. Drinking. Waking up in a peculiar state of undress in Christopher's bed.

What happened afterwards however, is burned into her memory.

Being angry with him for taking advantage, for not being the friend that she had needed. Flying out the door of his apartment and racing back to Stars Hollow. The drive from Boston to the sleepy Connecticut town seemed so long as she thought of what to say. How could she tell him what had happened and still hope that there was a chance for them to work it out. In the end, she never did figure it out. He had been angry, as she knew he would be, but what hurt her most is the pain she saw in his eyes. It was there as he told her there was no way for them to get over that, that he couldn't forget or forgive, that had it been any other man they could have but not when it was Christopher.

It was four days later; when her pain of completely losing him became too much that she searched for a nearly forgotten number. It was a long shot and she was surprised when the man on the other end was more than happy to bring her to his company.

Ten days after her indiscretion the home she had lived in for over a decade was for rent, her things in storage. Her beloved dog, Paul Anka, was secured in her jeep along with the few things she took with her. It was painful to leave and knowing there would be questions she left in the dead of night. Her daughter understood, albeit sadly. Her parents less so, but they tried to be supportive.

It was one month after that ill-fated night, as she sat in her deluxe suite at the inn she was training at, that the stick turned pink. The tears burned as they trickled down her eyes. Wondering, how she could have been so stupid to let Christopher father another child of hers.

It was two days later, when the only hope she had left for a life not wasted came about. The doctor had been surprised as she cried tears of joy and jumped up to hug him.

Two months.

Two months before, she had been engaged to Luke. Two months before, he had given her a piece of him that she could always keep.

_  
Guess I did what I did believing  
that love is a dangerous thing  
Oh but that couldn't hurt anymore than never knowing_

She is startledby soft footsteps, but smiles as a tired little body shuffles into the room dragging a ragged quilt behind him. He looks up at her and with his shining blues eyes smiles. He is her miracle, her hope, her reason for not becoming a bitter old cat lady. It is early, but as soon as his small belly is filled she knows he will be completely awake and ready to be the light in her life that he is.

He is small with dark hair and at five years of age already has his mother's finely tuned sense of humor. With him she can joke and quip as easily as with her daughter and receive the same giggles and squeals she did when Rory was young. When she looks at him she can only smile. He is perfect, as perfect as the father that created him. Despite the similar hair and eye coloring to her, he is Luke. In facial features and demeanor, with a brilliant dimpled smile and quietness that are not uniquely his own, he is his father's son.

If only he knew.

As she looks at him she knows she is in the wrong, that she is no better than Anna that she has kept something so precious from the man she claimed to love. Her decision to keep the boy from him was not out of spite, it was not out of some inane idea that he did not like children, she told herself it was out of love and self-sacrifice. With April, he needed time and what would another child do to him and his single-mindedness. Being a half a world away made it easier for the deception, although not easier on her mind or heart.

_Not a night goes by  
I don't dream of wandering  
through the home that might have been  
and I listened to my pride  
When my heart cried out for you  
Now every day I wake again_

Luke Danes has never been a particularly social person, that being said the past six years have take him to a level of hermit beyond even what he expected. His life is routine. He wakes early, runs his diner, sees his daughter, goes to bed and starts the cycle over again. At least, that was the routine. Now, with April happily ensconced at M.I.T. and slipping farther away from childhood and into the young adulthood where hanging out with her father is insanely un-cool as well as nearly impossible with the distance, he is left with only his diner. He still serves many customers, still makes good money, but the people of Stars Hollow know that everything is not right with him these days. Everyone knows why, everyone knows that Lorelai Gilmore, once beloved denizen of the Hollow, broke his heart by breaking their engagement and falling into bed with her grown daughter's father. Not to mention the pain of finding out that she had left and had not been heard from in over half a decade.

They talk about him a lot, as they are prone to gossip. They say he is lost, more so than he ever was after his other failed relationships or the death of his father. He is unable to cope with the loneliness and the knowledge that he was right to fear his fiancées relationship with her high school flame. He is bitter, more so than ever before, not the violent bitterness of their first breakup, but a quiet defeated bitterness that casts a pall of him. The only time he seems to break from this is when April is near and with that being less frequent the residence of Stars Hollow worry for this man who has, it seems, always been a part of the town.

_  
In a house that might have been  
A home  
A home_

_Four walls, a roof, a door, some windows  
Just a place to run when my working day is through  
They say home is where the heart is  
If the exception proves the rule I guess that's true_

At night, he sits alone. Sometimes he can hear the sounds of revelry as Stars Hollow celebrates some insane holiday with a loud and garish festival. A festival she would have loved and dragged him grudgingly to with promises of appreciation later, when they were alone and at home.

With a beer in his hand he sits in his old lounger and thinks of her. He sees her smiling at him, tastes her tongue dueling with his, feels her body on his. When he has had a particularly bad day, he will cry for her and once his eyes are too dried out from the tears, he will fall asleep in the old chair and dream of her.

_Not a night goes by  
I don't dream of wandering  
through the home that might have been  
I listened to my pride  
When my heart cried out for you  
_

He is in her house, their house, the one he helped her to renovate. They are snuggled together on the couch watching another one of her classic movies that he is barely paying attention to. He looks at her, memorizes her every feature, watches the rise and fall of her chest, holds her so tightly.

It is then that he hears the squeak of a step and looks to see a child, a perfect little part of them.

Sometimes is it a little girl in a frilly princess gown clutching her teddy bear and other times it is a young boy in Red sox PJ's, no matter which one, he gets up slowly so as not to awake the sleeping woman in his arms and picks the child up. He cuddles his child close to him as soothing words are whispered, monsters are scared away, and covers are neatly tucked under a small chin.

_Now every day I wake again  
in a house that might have been  
a home  
a home_

In the morning when the sunlight hits his face through the open curtain, he is pulled back to reality. Reality for him means routine. There are no moments on the couch, no children with nightmares, no passionate nights with the woman he loves, there is only cold harsh loneliness and thoughts of what could have been.


	2. Pieces

This song is by Rascal Flatts. I am currently in love with them and half the songs on this cd make me think of Luke and Lorelai.

A Home part 2: Pieces

On the nights when he's not working, because of Caesar's insistence that he is human and needs a break or one of Taylor's crazy festivals that takes his customers to the nearest falafel stand, he sits in his beloved old chair as usual; in his hands however, instead of a beer, is a small piece of worn paper. He'll stare at it for hours, reading it over and over again, not that he couldn't recite it by heart now. He feels the flimsy paper with his finger tips, the ink faded, he fears the day that this memory will become nothing but a scrap that could quickly be thrown out. Despite its age he can still see the handwritten script, so totally Lorelai, that just looking at it makes it feel like she is sitting next to him. The way the letters are looped, thoughtful, even in the haste and caffeine withdrawal it was written in, the words look well thought out and planned.

_From the moment that we met  
my world was turned around  
Upside down_

The memory of that day is etched into his mind. The familiar sounds of a diner's rush, the heavy smells of food cooking in heart clogging grease are a daily presence in his life and have been for many years. This day began as they all did, until a young woman with stunning blues eyes and rich brown curls walked through his door. He hadn't even noticed her at first, he remembers that the most because how could he have not noticed her. When she interrupted him and begged for coffee he thought her annoying, rude and selfish; couldn't this woman see he was busy? It wasn't until the fourth time she asked for his birthday that he looked up and saw her, the woman that would change his life forever. She was beautiful and the absolute zest for life he saw in her eyes made him answer her question, no matter how strange he thought it was.

As she handed him the horoscope, their fingers touched briefly and though Luke Danes was not a man to believe in such electricity between two people, he felt a rush of warmth shoot through his body. After he has read her simple words and served Lorelai Gilmore the very first cup of Luke's coffee she would ever have, he watches her leave with a heavy heart, knowing someone like her would never be his.

_To some degree I still regret  
my memory for keeping you around_

When he realizes that he has been sitting there for too long, he places the piece of paper back into its place in his wallet. Out the window he can see that the town has closed up, all activity of the day suspended until tomorrow when the residents of the sleepy town will wake up and get on with their lives. For a town that sees little change, everyday brings something new, a baby born, a couple wed, people moving in and out, families making new memories. Luke sighs when he thinks of how even Stars Hollow moves on, when he cannot.

He wishes he could forget her, just erase her from his memory. Vaguely he remembers a movie they watched together about a man whose ex-girlfriend has had all memories of him removed and while having her removed from his struggles to keep them. Then it was just another weird movie she talked him into seeing, today he wishes that he could be the person who has their memories sun-shined away.

_Girl I thought that you were mine  
But my broken heart's been shattered  
One too many times  
and I don't want to see you anymore  
I'm just not that strong_

He wishes above all else to forget the last memory he has of talking to her. She had slept with Christopher and they had fought. He was angry that she would go to him so quickly after they had ended things. After all, the break wasn't forever, just for now; right? A funny phrase, 'for now'; Christopher has said it to him at the Gilmore's disastrous reunion the last time they broke up. Even then, when he needed time, he never truly thought that was true. Lorelai and he were meant to be, he knew it, she knew it and it didn't matter what Christopher or Emily had known, it wasn't about them. Or at least that is what he told himself the night he knocked on her door and kissed her, just wanting to hold her again.

Now he knows that no matter what she had said or how they had felt, they were the ones who were wrong. Neither one was particularly great when it came to relationships but they thought this time it would be different, this time they'd have it. There was always jealousy and secrets and nothing would change that.

It was over, for good, when she told him about Christopher. Never would that leave his mind, never would he forget that, they could never move forward after she had been with him and his anger clouded over his pain, the things he said to her that night he regrets most because he'd do anything just to see her again.

_I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take  
There's no use in you looking  
There's nothing left for you to break  
Baby please release me  
Let my heart rest in pieces  
Someone let you down again  
So you turn to me  
Your convenient friend  
Oh but I know what you're doing  
And what you hope to find  
I've seen it a thousand times_

Bringing up the past was never a good idea; all the things he had done for her in the name of friendship that nights were ammunition. When he was there for her and Rory, comforting her after Christopher had hurt her again even though they were fighting, fixing whatever she needed, holding her before as she cried about her inn, investing in that dream, reassuring her that she was a good mother when things were going awry with the younger Lorelai. His heart had told him to stop as she cried, it told him to reach out to her and tell her everything was okay, but as usual Luke Danes' pride took over. He ripped her apart and left her in the middle of her yard, on her knees crying underneath the chuppah he had built for her to marry another man.

He walked away and didn't turn back. He could hear her sobs and Babette rushing out to see what was going on but he kept walking, knowing that if he stopped he'd never make it back to his apartment before he started crying.

_Oh the fire we had before  
Are now just bitter ashes  
Left scattered on the floor_


	3. Hey Jude

Hey Jude

After breakfast is eaten and both are dressed for the day, Lorelai takes her son's hand and heads out the door. Today is her day off and they will walk about town and she will revel in the delight of her youngest child. The exuberant boy keeps her feeling younger than her forty-three years and the times that they have alone together are treasure to her. He bounds off ahead and though she normally shies away from such proclivities, such as exercise, she rushes after him both laughing as they make their way through the streets towards the pier below. Grabbing him from behind she picks him up and swings him around, tickling him once he has landed once again.

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
then you can start to make it better_

In front of a full length mirror, she removes her shirt to examine herself. Her breasts are fuller than normal and if she touches them she feels a soft ache. Her skin glows like she's just come from a day of tanning; also soft to the touch, more so than any beauty product would make it. But what fascinates her most is the bump of taught skin where her normally svelte stomach is. She touches it, just barely at first, with her fingertips softly tracing it. She lays her palm upon it and presses… hoping to get a rise from the small human living within her. Pleasantly surprised, her body flinches a little when he returns her greeting. She smiles and for the first time in four months, maybe longer, it reaches her eyes. Her features soften as she proceeds to go back and forth between gently stroking the bump and trying to get a reaction from it.

It has been many years since her first pregnancy, a few more than she would care to admit, and she is bound to take every second of this one and fully commit it to memory. Every moment since she found out about her son, her son and Luke's son- their son, she has cherished each single aspect of her pregnancy. Morning sickness did not bother her as much this time around; she takes the aches, pains, and weight gain in stride knowing that in the end it will all be worth it.

At moments like this, when she feels in her heart the connection with the child inside her that she wants to go back, wants to tell Luke about this little life they made and that it's only him she wants; him and their son and them. The baby is always the one to make her feel like this, never the fully formed human beings in her life. Her daughter pleads with her to come home, to tell Luke, to let her tell Luke, to make things right. Her friend Sookie tries to be as supportive and upbeat as she always is but even on a phone thousands of miles away Lorelai can sense her disappointment. Her parents are an enigma in this equation. Having never really liked Luke when they were together it confuses their daughter to no end that whenever they speak it is very nearly always of him and how she should tell him and get him back. She thinks often that it is just the elder Gilmore's wanting to save face and the family name; their rebellious daughter unwed and pregnant once again, but then she hears something in her mothers voice that tells her that they genuinely want her to be happy and know that being with Luke did just that.

When she thinks of what to call her child, she thinks of Luke. What would he want to name his son; she thinks that perhaps he'd want to name the child after his own father, but then maybe not. Would Luke think of some name like Zachariah or Phineas? Would he want a traditional name, like Adam or John? Would he want to name the boy Luke? At that she laughs, no he's too modest for that, he'd want his son to be individual of him, his own man. None of the baby books out there tell you what to name a child when you want his father to help and he doesn't even know about the baby. She makes a mental note to write to an editor about that. But the one thing she knows, Christopher is a name torn out of her baby book.

_Hey Jude, don't be afraid  
You were made to go out and get her  
The minute you let her under your skin  
Then you begin to make it better_

_And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain  
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders  
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool  
By making his world a little colder  
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah_

As she watches her son at play, running around without tiring, she wistfully thinks of how quickly he is growing up. It seems that yesterday was the day he was born and today he is nearly a man. She knows this is a silly thought because the tender age of five is hardly what anyone would call grown up but as his mother she knows better. His face is losing that distinct baby look it once held, and to add to her guilt; looking more and more like Luke's as each day passes. He is tall and lithe; she thinks he'll been a natural athlete as he grows, just like his father.

Watching him she thinks about going home, back to Stars Hollow. She'd finally tell Luke about him and beg for the forgiveness she doesn't believe is deserved. The memory book of her pregnancy and their son's first five years will come out and with everything in it a detailed account will be given, it'll feel like he was always there. Except he'd know he wasn't and know that she was the reason why. It'd be different than it was with Anna and April because 'fool me twice' and all; and she's sure that he'd have expected more than that from her, in her heart she knows that whatever he and Anna had it wasn't near what they themselves had once had. She supposes that it is the fear of how he'd react that keeps her away these days, remembering that she was going to tell him, that she had just put it off for too long.

_Hey Jude, don't let me down  
You have found her, now go and get her  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better_

_So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin  
You're waiting for someone to perform with  
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do  
The movement you need is on your shoulder  
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah yeah_

Childbirth is never any fun, for Lorelai Gilmore the birth of her second child is absolute agony. Never mind the fact that for some insane reason she had decided to go au natural, but this time she knows that all she wants is for her baby's father to be holding her hand and whispering words of love, compassion, and awe into her ear as she curses him for doing this to her. The tears streaming down her face aren't just the tears of physical pain and the anticipation of impeding motherhood but also the tears of a woman who knows that the reason she is alone again during this happy time is because of her own stupidity. She tells herself, right before the big push, that once this is over she will call him and tell him and hold her crying infant up to the phone for his father to hear.

Once her child is born and she looks into his familiar face, she knows she cannot keep the promise she had made not ten minutes before. As much as she'd like to be strong enough to call him or to just pack up the baby and go to him, she isn't and will for the second time in her life tackle single-motherhood.

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her under your skin  
then you'll begin to make it  
better better better better better better, oh_

Once they have found a favorite place to stop and eat, they walk along the beach and watch the people around them living their lives. The little boy is quiet now, not that his boundless energy has left he is just showing the more detailed signs that he is in fact the spawn of monosyllabic-man Luke Danes. They sit, she cross legged with him in her lap. The sun dips lower and lower in the sky and they talk and joke until in hits the very tip of the horizon. As they get up to make the trek back home she sees him staring off. Following his gaze she sees two young boys with a man who no doubt is their father, they are fishing and each boy holds a pole as the man helps the younger one reel it in. Her small son looks at her then and gives her a half smile. It is in that moment that she realizes the strength she hasn't been able to find in the past six years has been living with her the whole time.

Tomorrow, she will make plans to do what she should have done long ago. Lorelai Gilmore is going home.

_Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude_


	4. Lover, Come back to me

This song originally sung by Ella Fitzgerald.

Lover, Come back to me.

One day in the spring, Luke woke up in a mood, a different one from his usual melancholy one. As he began his day the strange feeling did not lessen. By mid afternoon it had not gone away. He told Caesar to watch the diner and headed upstairs. He sat for a long while wondering what it was, this perplexing emotion inside of him.

He sat and sat until the light bulb in his head went off. This feeling that he couldn't place was forgiveness. It dawned on him that he finally allowed his heart to forgive himself and her for what had happened. Once that feeling was placed, his heart was filled with an old one, the loneliness of the past six years.

It hit him hard and he nearly collapsed from the weight of it. Before it was clouded by the anger and pain he had but now it was out in full force. In that moment, he knew something must be done, even if it was too late.

_You went away  
I let you  
We broke the ties that bind  
I wanted to forget you  
And leave the past behind  
Still, the magic of the night I met you  
Seems to stay forever in my mind  
The sky was blue  
And high above  
The moon was new  
And so was love  
This eager heart of mine was singing  
Lover where can you be_

He had not seen her since her graduation five years ago.

At the time he went he told himself it was for Rory and not for Lorelai, after all, he had known the girl since she was ten years old and had been at her previous graduation as well. However, that did not stop his heart from dropping when he realized she was not there. Questions rose in his head as to what could keep her from her only child's college graduation; this had been something they had both wanted for so long. The worst case scenarios ran through his head and the tears he shed that day were not just for the little girl in fairy wings who was now getting ready to take on the world.

When Rory came up to him after she had greeted her father, sister and grandparents he wanted to beg her for information, but couldn't bring himself to mention her mother for fear that something actually was wrong with her. Rory had assured him that she was okay when she saw the look on his face, unconsciously searching for Lorelai, hoping he had just missed her in the crowd. She was vague on the details, but said that she couldn't make it and as disappointed as she was, her absence was understood. That was also the last time he had seen Christopher. He had wanted to punch him in the face when he had the audacity to come make small talk, but for Rory's sake he didn't. He remembers Christopher's words telling him that the night they had had together meant nothing and was a mistake, that Lorelai was just upset and he was stupid to think that sex was going to help anything; stupid to think she wanted him. Luke gritted his teeth though the conversation and was glad when Christopher took the hint and went back to his daughter.

Luke looked at Rory one last time, waved and walked away.

Today, he was afraid to knock on the door. He wondered if she would be angry with him, she had called him in the past without answer and even sent letters and copies of her stories to him. He read them all and he was extremely proud of the young woman he watched grow up, but contacting her would have been too painful. Until today.

With a flourish of confidence he gave three strong knocks and waited. When she opened the door, her face could not hide her astonishment.

_You came at last  
Love had its day  
That day is past  
You've gone away  
This aching heart of mine is singing  
Lover come back to me_

The visit with Rory proved to be unhelpful. She had been happy to see him, to catch up. She told him of her life, which he mostly already knew, and asked about his. She wanted to know about the diner and how April was doing, where she went to school, was she doing well. He happily answered her questions and when the reason for his impromptu visit came up, she became rigid. She was quiet for a moment before she told him she couldn't help him. Lorelai was doing well, she was more or less happy, content and she wouldn't go against her mother's wishes in telling him where she was. He had argued with her then, saying he didn't want to hurt her that he just needed to tell her he loved her and missed her. The phone rang and as she went to answer it she said goodbye, pointed to the door and told him that going to the Gilmore's would be just as futile.

_When I remember every little thing  
You used to do  
I'm so lonely  
Every road I walk along  
I walk along with you  
No wonder I am lonely  
The sky is blue  
The night is cold  
The moon is new  
But love is old  
And while I'm waiting here  
This heart of mine is singing  
Lover come back to me_

Over the next week he saw a rise in the insanity of the town. His downtrodden mood was back, knowing that no matter how hard he tried he would never find her without help. Each day Patty, Babette and the rest of the gossip mongers would meet in front of his diner, whispering to each other and glancing at him. They would then enter, order and spend the next hour or two giving him piteous looks. His anger was rising and finally he put a time limit on the tables, they one upped him by ordering everything a la carte and half an hour apart. One evening, he grew wary of having to put up with the crazy citizens of the hollow and went for a walk, leaving Caesar to deal with them.

_When I remember every little thing  
You used to do  
I grow lonely  
Every road I walk along  
I walk along with you  
No wonder I am lonely  
The sky is blue  
The night is cold  
The moon is new  
But love is old  
And while I'm waiting here  
This heart of mine is singing_

He walked around the town, by the creek and back past the houses. He saw Sookie, Jackson and the children playing in their front yard. She looked up at him, smiled and gave a hearty wave, the children and Jackson following suit. Not wanting to seem rude even in his current state he allowed himself a small smile and a quick wave in return. Sookie and Jackson were more people he had cut himself off from since Lorelai left; he promised himself that he'd change that because it was very unhealthy for him to not have any friends besides his sister and her annoying husband.

He found himself walking down a familiar path. Step after step he knew he should turn back and once he was there, in front of her house he regretted not heading his own warnings. His lonely mind was playing tricks on him and he could swear he saw lights on inside and Paul Anka lounging on the porch. As he turned to walk away he noticed a woman coming out of the garage with a box and heading for the front door. His body became temporarily paralyzed and he audibly gasped.

"Lorelai?"

_Lover come back to me_


	5. Dirty Little Secret

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

_Let me know that I've done wrong  
When I've known this all along  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you_

Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
My dirty little secret

"Lorelai?"

The voice caused her to stop dead in her tracks; his voice conveyed confusion and awe as if he was seeing a ghost. It took all she had in her for her knees not to buckle and for her and the box in her arms to not tumble to the ground. She took a moment to compose herself, hoping she could give off the air of the confident world traveler she was, the confidence she showed to those she worked with. Slowly, she turned to face him, and for the first time in six years she is standing right in front of Luke Danes.

"Hey," was the only word she was able to get out of her mouth, and wanting to say so much more.

The stunned look on his face changed to an incredulous one.

"'Hey', that's all you have to say after all this time? A simple 'hey'? No 'Hi Luke, how are ya?' or 'Hey Luke, I've had amnesia for over half a decade and couldn't remember your phone number to call and say I was okay'? Damn it, Lorelai-"

"HEY! I don't deserve that. The last time we saw each other you were screaming at me, calling me horrible things, and saying you didn't want to see me anymore. Yes, I should have called but not because you did anything to deserve it."

"Why are you here? Couldn't find a man for you to rip out his heart and stomp all over it where you were?"

At this, she could feel the tears welling in her eyes, she couldn't let them out; she couldn't let him get to her, too much was riding on how the conversation tonight went.

"Look, I came home because I need to be here. If you don't like it, tough; we have some things to talk about so if you could leave your bad mojo out here-"

"Mojo?" he smirks.

"Oh just shut up and come inside".

_Who has to know  
When we live such fragile lives  
It's the best way we survive  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you_

Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret

Inside, the home is only a shell of what it once was. Boxes litter the floor and furniture is placed askew. She motions for them to sit on the couch and he complies. There is now an awkward silence and both are unsure of how to begin. Five minutes of sneaking looks at one another later, Lorelai spontaneously jumps up from the couch.

"Beer." She says in an excited tone.

"What?"

"Beer. I have it. You want one?", before he can answer she is rushing towards the kitchen. He gets up to follow her; in the kitchen she is grabbing two Heinekens from the refrigerator and begins searching for the bottle opener. She ignores him as she roots through boxes in a harried fashion. He grabs her arms from behind and whispers into her ear,

"Lorelai, slow down, what's wrong? I can leave if you're uncomfo-"

"NO!"

"Okay…"

"We need to talk." She pushes past him and riffles through another box; she grabs an object from it, "wa-la, one beer bottle opener for our alcoholic consumption convenience."

He takes it from her and opens both beers, handing one to her. As she takes the bottle their hands touch and for a moment he feels the same jolt of warmth that flowed through his body on the day they met.

"Luke, you need to let go."

_Never! Wait, what? _"Huh?"

"You need to let go of the bottle." He looks at their hands, both grasping her beer and he releases it giving her a sheepish smile.__

Who has to know  
the way she feels inside  
those thoughts I can't deny  
these sleeping dogs won't lie  
and all I've tried to hide  
it's eating me apart  
Trace this line back

They return to the couch and slowly sip their drinks, the silence has returned. She decides she needs to take the leap, it's now or never.

"I need to show you something, wait here."

She gets up and sets her bottle on the coffee table. She quickly goes up the stairs, one of the many small things she has missed in her time away, and heads into her bedroom. There lying on the quilt now made of her son's worn baby clothes is a large leather bound book. She grabs it and brushes her hand over the tough material.

One last chance to back out; she doesn't take it.

Slowly she heads back down the stairs, book in hand, and sits next to him on the couch. Their knees and elbows are touching and he can see the tears glistening in her eyes.

"Lorelai, what's wrong?"

She sniffles and replies, "don't hate me too much, please, I already hate myself."

The confusion is evident on his face and does not go away as she lays the book on his lap and opens it to the first page. There on a creamy background is a picture. The image is strange, black and white and grainy. He looks at it and then at her hoping for some help. She just continues to look at the photo, not noticing his gaze. There is something in the picture that vaguely resembles a blob and he knows he's seen something like this before.

His mind travels back to when his sister, Liz, was expecting her second child.

One day, shortly before Lorelai and he had ended their engagement, Liz had come running excitedly into the diner waving a small photograph and smiling widely at her big brother. She proudly presented the picture to him as the first introduction to his niece.

In his mind he feels a series of sparks, like thoughts connecting. The picture is a sonogram. He looks at it again then and he can see it, the little life that was forming at the time the photo was taken. The blob looks more like a head with a body and he can see limbs, two legs and two arms, protruding form it. The baby is curled into a ball safely tucked away in its mother's womb.

His eyes water and he looks at her. She raises her head to look at him and she is crying.

"No."

"What?" She is confused by his reaction, _what does 'no' mean?_

"No, you wouldn'- you couldn't. You're not her, you're not Anna. You're different, you'd never-"

"I am. I am like her, I didn't want to be. I swear, Luke, I wanted it to be different. I thought about telling you every day. When I felt him growing inside of me, in the delivery room when I imagined you next to me, every time I looked into his face and saw you staring back at me."

"He?" the question was barely a whisper as his attention had returned to the picture.

"Yeah, he, our son."

"You didn't tell me."

"I know, I know I messed up. I am so sorry Luke. I wanted to. I called, and then hung up before you could answer. I tried writing you, but I could never send it. I even came back to Stars Hollo-"

"You did? When?"

"I came to New York for a conference and to see Rory's new place about four years ago; had a free day and rented a car. I drove all the way here. I didn't see you at the diner, so I snuck over to Sookie's. She said you had taken April on a camping trip."

He thought about that and remembered, if only they had gone a week earlier like they had planned and had to reschedule because of the weather, he would have known about his son four years ago.

"Wh- huh, I-I don't really know what to ask. He looks like me? How old is he? What does he like to do? Where is he? Is he here now?"

"Yes, he looks like you. He has blue eyes like mine. He has this unruly brown hair that curls up in the back just like yours. When he smiles, he could almost be your twin. He's rambunctious and quiet all at the same time; he's a good mix of us. He likes to run around and laugh and just be a little boy. And no, he isn't here. I was going to go to the diner tonight after closing and- I don't know, tell you I guess. He's with my parents."

Silence fills the house once again. He flips to the next page and sees a picture of Lorelai, she looks radiant. Her hair is pulled gently back and her shirt is pulled tight over her belly. One hand is lying on her stomach and the other supporting her as she leans against a stone wall. Only half of her face is visible, she is looking out into the vast ocean behind her and the expression on her face is sad and wistful.

The following pages contain a collage of newborn shots. There is a yawning baby in a blue receiving blanket. Another photo of Lorelai and the same baby, she is smiling; her face shows a blend of pure pride and exhaustion.

The following pages show a little boy growing up. From first smile to first step, first haircut, first day of nursery school, of kindergarten. And in everyone he sees exactly what she was talking about, the boy, his son, does look amazingly like him.

"I want to meet him."

"You will. Tomorrow, maybe tonight you should go home and look this over. I know it doesn't make up for what I've done but- I-I hope that maybe it can help. Look at this and any questions you have about anything, I'll answer. I'm sorry I did this to you. I was so in the wrong. Hate me; I wouldn't blame you if you despise me for all I've done to you. I want to make it better, I'm trying."

He nods his head and gets up, taking the book with him. She follows him to the door and watches him walk across the porch and down the steps. At the last step he turns.

"What's his name?"

"Jude. His name is Jude."

_  
I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret_

who has to know  
who has to know

**_AN: So his name is Jude. Yes, I got it from the song because I love the song and the Beatles and they needed props in my song but interestingly _St. Jude is the patron saint of those in hopeless situations. But now you know why the song didn't really fit with the chapter. Who guessed that Hey Jude was an anvil for his name?**


	6. Life of a Salesman

**_"Life of a Salesman"_**

He can't remember a day in his life where he was more nervous, scared, or excited as he is today. Luke has spent the better part of the previous night looking through his son's life. With each picture he tried to imagine himself there, camera in hand laughing at the precocious young boy as he faced growing up with a dimpled smile and a defiant look. He went through each page of the book. Once. Twice. And a third time before he drifted off to sleep. Instead of his usual dreams of Lorelai and their faceless, nameless children tonight he dreams of the boy in the pictures.

He holds the small blue bundle in his arms as the baby's face flushes red and his body squirms, curled up against his father's chest. Tiny fingers grip his large hands as the growing one-year old struggles to stay upright. Sunlight nearly blinds him as he throws the laughing three-year-old into the air and catches him bring him into a giant hug. Water ripples as the five-year-old boy next to him attempts to skip a rock only to have it clunk on the top of the pond and sink to the bottom.__

What's a dad for dad?  
Tell me why I'm here dad  
Whisper in my ear that I'm growing up to be a better man, dad  
Everything is fine dad  
Proud that you are mine dad  
Cause I know I'm growing up to be a better man

A bright light wakes him four short hours after he falls asleep. He stands and begins his morning routine. After he has showered and dressed he thinks about his day before it hits him. Today, will be anything but routine.

Descending down into the diner he can hear the morning rush. As soon as he walks through the curtain he can feel every eye on him. He wonders how much they know. They must know she is here, but do they know about the boy. Do they know that he's seen her, talked to her? What outrageous rumours are circulating around town today?

He speaks to Caesar, not giving any details, telling him he'll probably be gone most of the day. With not one look at the people around him he heads out the door and towards her house.__

Father I will always be  
That same boy that stood by the sea  
And watched you tower over me  
Now I'm older I wanna be the same as you

Hands shaking, he brings his arm up to tap on the door. He waits patiently until he can see her silhouette walking towards him. The lock clicks and there she is; smiling at him, an anxious but delighted look in her eyes.

"Hi." She says quietly. She doesn't move to let him in.

"Hey."

They stand there for a few moments both shuffling their feet and staring at the ground. Finally, she looks up at him.

"Why don't you come in? Jude's just upstairs playing, I'll get him." He steps inside and into the living room; before she can turn towards the stairs he stops her.

"Wait."

"What's wrong? Is this too soon, maybe tomorrow-"

"No. Nothing, I just- I don't- What does he know about me, Lorelai? I mean he's five and he's in a new place and here comes this guy that looks like him and he's supposed to call him 'daddy' or whatever. I've done this before, you know, with April and that was different and she was older and understood but- I just don't know." As he finishes her face softens and she places her hand on his chest.

"Luke, look at me." She says, and his eyes connect with hers. "He knows you. His whole life, I- I told him about you, everything. He knows his daddy is a good man. I've shown him pictures of you, told him stories about you and your incessant attempts to keep me healthy and caffeine-free. I talked to him this morning, he understands. Yeah, he's little but he's really bright and he wants to meet you. I think- I think you'll be surprised at how different this is going to be from- well, from last time, from April. It's different, I always meant-." With this she lowers head and wipes away the few stray tears falling from her eyes.

He brings her body to him then, his chin resting on her head.

"I know. It's okay. It's not that I'm not angry, I am. I don't agree with Anna's reasons for keeping April a secret, but I get it and I'll get this too. It's different this time, and I realize that some things- some things, a lot of things were my fault. But what's done is done and its time to move on, I'm too old to hold much of a grudge." She laughs then and looks up at him.

"Nah, you're not old, we'll just say distinguished." He chuckles and lets go of her. She smiles at him, turns and runs up the stairs. He sat on the couch, not knowing what to do. He doesn't know what to say to this little boy that he's about to meet. She said he wanted to meet him but, maybe it would be like with April. Maybe he'd have to push for a relationship with his son too.

__

What's a dad for dad?  
Taught me how to stand, dad  
Took me by the hand and you showed me how to be a bigger man, dad  
Listen when you talk, dad  
Follow where you walk, dad  
And you know that I will always do the best I can  
I can

He hears them walking down the steps and turns toward them. His lungs quickly fill with air and it takes a few moments before his body will let it out. Seeing the boy in pictures is one thing but now he sees the actual living person, his son.

The little boy for his part has a look of timidity on his small face. He is partially behind Lorelai, his hand in hers. She smiles at Luke and then bends down and faces her son. As she begins to talk to him, the child's eyes never leave Luke's face.

"Jude, this is Luke. He's your daddy. You've seen pictures of him remember?" He shakes his head up and down slowly, eyes still transfixed on the flannel-clad man in front of him. It is a tense few moments where no one in the room knows what should happen next. Lorelai looks to Luke and gives him an encouraging pointed look. He quietly clears his throat, takes two steps forward and bends down. With hand outstretched he addresses his son for the first time.

"Hey Jude." For a moment, the boy continues to stare and then his face breaks out into a smile and his small frame convulses in giggles. Luke looks to Lorelai and she is smiling and begins to laugh with him. Confused Luke drops his hand to his side and gives them both an incredulous look. When his little boy laughter subsides, he looks up at his father, gives him a toothy grin and reaches his hand out.

"Hi Daddy."__

Father I will always be  
That same boy that stood by the sea  
And watched you tower over me  
Now I'm older I wanna be the same as you

Today, the feeling of anxiety weighs heavily upon him. He is in a park surrounded by dozens of hyperactive sugar laden children. He thanks whatever higher power there may be that today is a beautiful spring day. The weather is warm and the sun is shining. He hopes this is a good sign.

That first meeting with his son, after its initial awkwardness, went very well. The little boy proved to be just as talkative as his mother and led most of the conversation, with Luke looking on at him in awe.

That was one week ago and today another important meeting would occur.

April, hearing of her new brother, bought a ticket for the first train back to Connecticut. Today, she would go to the park where the first seeds of her own relationship with her father began and Luke would get to be the proud father, watching his two children interact.

At nineteen, the age difference between April and the five-year-old Jude might present complications. April, like her father, has never been close to any children and even as a child was more of an adult. But she promised Luke she would try because the one thing she has learned in the nearly seven years she has known him is that to Luke Danes, family is important.

He holds his son's hand as the little boy chats earnestly about Bob the Builders latest escapades and clutches a box of Thomas and Friends trains. Seeing his daughter walking toward them, he smiles and gets his sons attention.

He introduces them and watches happily as she asks her brother if he likes to swing and his two children race off toward the swings, laughing as they go.

_(When I am a dad, dad  
I'm gonna be a good dad  
Do the best you could, dad  
Always understood, dad  
Taught me what was right, dad  
Opened up my eyes, dad  
Glad to call you my, dad  
Thank you for my life, dad)_


	7. Yes I do

**Yes I Do**

It had been two months since Lorelai's return to the small Connecticut town of Stars Hollow. In that time Luke had met his son and spent as much time with him as possible. He was finding that being the father of an active five-year-old was one of the most rewarding experiences of his life. Each day he would wake up not dreading the day ahead but with a smile and optimistic outlook. He would head over to Lorelai's house early, before Jude even had the chance to get up, make breakfast, and coffee, and be there when the little boy came barreling down the stairs excited to see him. They would spend the morning talking and joking and then Luke and Lorelai would both walk their son to school and say goodbye for the day. He would go to work and instead of the grumpy scowl that usually adorned his face a small smile would stay with him throughout the day. When school was over, Luke would pick his son up and they would spend the day together, working in the diner or going to the park, until Lorelai was done at the Dragonfly. Usually the two, Lorelai and Jude, would eat dinner at the diner and then Luke would join them on the way home and he and Lorelai would put the little boy to bed together. For Luke, it made his day complete when he knew that he had been able to spend as much time with his son as any live-in father would be able too.

The time that hurt him the most was once Jude was asleep. That was a time full of awkward silences and guilty looks between him and Lorelai. Usually, he would say something about needing to go to bed early and he would leave. What changed most for him in his night time hours was that his dreams were no longer of their fights of long ago or hopes for what could have been, rather his dreams were now of a more passionate nature. Since the day after he met his son his dreams were of nights long ago when he had Lorelai in his heart and in his bed. He would wake up sweating after the more carnal dreams and run his hands through his hair, getting up for a cold shower. He felt guilty for where his subconscious was taking him but another part of him wished he could go to her right then and make her his again.

_Do I cry, in the night?  
Do I long to hold you tight?  
And do I wake, wanting you?  
Yes I do  
Do I recall, everyday,  
How you took my breath away?  
Do I remember loving you?  
Yes I do_

Two weeks ago, in an effort to make up for five missed birthdays and Christmases, Luke had asked his son what one thing he would like to have more than anything. The little boys eyes widened and glossed over for a moment before he excitedly replied that he wanted a tree house. After discussing it with Lorelai, Luke had agreed that yes a little boy should have a tree house and set out to build his little boy the most perfect tree house.

In the early evenings he began gathering the materials and a week later he had all he needed to begin, including two well drawn out plans, one in pencil the other in Crayola.

From that day onward he and his son began to bond over the latter's burgeoning love of tools and building. Luke had thought the little guy's concentration would falter early in the project and he would run of to play with Paul Anka.

He was pleasantly surprised when Jude was genuinely interested in each and every step of the tree house building process. The length it took to both build the tree house and explain everything to his son would normally have annoyed Luke to no end; but the interest his son took in it fascinated Luke and made him realized that in front of him stood the little boy inside of him that was lost a long time ago.

Lorelai for her part would sit on the porch petting Paul Anka; watching Luke and their son work diligently on the tree house. Seeing Luke with Jude made her happy and sad at the same time. She was delighted that Luke had taken to the boy so quickly and Jude the same with his father, but in her mind it pained her to know that the two of them could have always been together, instead of starting five years late.

__

Chorus  
Yes I do dream of all we had together  
Yes it's true we lost it all forever  
Do I pray anyway?  
Yes I do

On a cool Saturday afternoon in mid-summer Luke was working on the tree house alone. Lorelai's parents had asked to monopolize their youngest grandchild and the boy was spending the weekend with them.

Lorelai, having worked long hours since she moved back, was sent away early from the Inn by a forceful Sookie who didn't want to see her until Monday morning. She decided to spend the day cleaning and working on some sewing projects. She was actually very thankful for Sookie telling her she needed to relax.

That evening as Luke was cleaning up and preparing to go home Lorelai came out to him with the offer of food.

"You cooked?" He asked with a smirk.

"I can cook some things," She indignantly replied and then added, "but Sookie brought this over." Luke chuckled and shook his head.

"Figured. But yeah, I'd love to come in and eat something. It's been a long day."

"It's looking really good Luke. Jude is so excited for it to be finished." All she received in return was a proud smile as they walked into the house.

_  
Well I don't live in the past  
Wanting love that wouldn't last  
Well I don't wait, like I used to  
Yes I do_

After they had eaten, and had a surprisingly civil and delightful conversation, they sat on the couch each nursing a beer.

"Really, Luke, that tree house is amazing. You didn't have to do something that amazing, I might just have to sell this place and move in there." She smiled at him in her teasing way.

"Yeah, it's no big deal. He wanted it. My son is going to get what he wants from me."

"Oh no, Luke, I will never ever allow you to get him that spaceship he's been wanting, I draw the line at that… and the pony."

"Oh come on, every boy needs a spaceship. You could put it out in that empty garage."

"Yeah." She laughed. And then her face turned serious.

"Or, you know, you could put your boat there. I never did ask where it's at and how it's coming along. Did you finish it?"

"Oh, well, Buddy and Maize found a place for me to store it and it's not exactly finished. Truth is I haven't touched it since- well, you know."

"Since I left?"

"Yeah."

"It was your father's, you should have finished it."

"Yeah, well you shouldn't have left." He said agitated.

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"Well, you shouldn't have. You should have stayed; you should have told me about the baby, we could have maybe worked things out."

"What?" She said with anger in her eyes. "You basically called me a slut, and then walked away as I recall. You threw our entire relationship, friendship in my face; like you were some sort of saint and I was this goddamned whore you put up with."

"I NEVER called you that." He stood up at this, his anger rising.

"You might as well have. All that 'I'm sure Christopher and his grandfather's money was worth it' shit. I was upset. I wanted to marry you and all you wanted to do was push me away."

"I was going through hell Lorelai! I had just found out about April-"

"Six Months! Luke, you had known about her for half a year!"

"So, what you think after 12 years a little time to get her to know me and want me in her life was too much. God, Lorelai! You can be so selfish. I waited for you with all the Rory crap, I was there for you. Where the hell were you when I needed the time?"

"Well, I can tell you where I wasn't. The diner, that's where. Banished because everybody else could meet April but your fiancée."

"You met her. You were at her birthday for christ's sake Lorelai. You made her 13th birthday great, no thanks to me."

"Yeah, and as soon as Anna had her little hissy fit I was back to that crazy lady who has coffee at the diner sometimes."

"She was concerned Lorelai. April is her kid."

"Yeah, well you were my fiancé."

"So much for that, the second things end you go off and sleep with Christopher. Did you ever love me?"

"That is NOT fair. I loved you. I loved you so much. I wanted to marry you. You were the one; you were the one who didn't want to get married to ME."

"Damnit, I wanted to marry you."

"You sure had a good way of showing it."

"Yeah, well sleeping with Christopher was a sure good way of showing you loved me. And then leaving and not telling me about the baby. We could have worked it out, Lorelai."

"Oh yeah, for the baby. What, you would have taken back the slut who sleeps around because she was having your baby?" His face softened at her words. And his reply was quiet.

"It wouldn't have been like that."

"Sure, you wanted me back after all that. I know I put you through hell Luke, I did it to myself too you know. But I came to terms with the fact that you didn't want to marry me long before that night I wanted to elope."

"I wanted to marry you. Lorelai. I love you." He had meant to say loved. But knew he couldn't because even after all that had happened he still loved her more than he could ever express. She looked up at him then and he noticed the few tears that had escaped her shiny eyes and reached up to wipe them away. She held his hand to her face for a moment before she pushed it away and started towards the foyer; Him following.

"You should go."_  
_

_Yes I do dream of all we had together  
Yes it's true we've lost it all forever  
Do I pray anyway?  
Yes I do_

In the foyer, he took a step towards the door and then turned to look at her. He then did something neither of them expected. Lorelai felt him press her against the wall, pinning her between him and the hard surface. His lips then crushed against her. Luke's arms went to her waist and then once their tongues began to dance together he lifted her up onto the table there. Her legs went around his waist, groins touching through the fabric of their jeans and her hands in his hair bringing his lips and tongue closer to hers.


	8. When She Comes

**"When She Comes"**

_  
_Luke's hands were now under her shirt softly rubbing the bare skin of her stomach. The contact made her moan into his mouth and pick up the intensity of the kiss. They rocked together creating as much friction between them as possible. When their lungs began to burn from the lack of oxygen they broke apart, staring into each others eyes. Luke opened his mouth to talk but Lorelai stopped him, two fingers on his lips. She pulled him back to her and again they kissed passionately. When his flannel shirt was on the floor, he broke contact and silently took her by the hand.

_  
Passing all the pictures on the wall  
Counting all the stairs I know them all  
Knowing there is nothing left to say  
I take her by the hand and lead the way  
I lead the way for  
When she comes  
And she wants all the world to know  
She calls my name, she calls my name  
And she never lets me go  
Have all my efforts found the way  
Have all my efforts gone astray_

Once they hit the top step their assault of one another continued and more clothes were shed. His undershirt and shoes, her top and socks. Up against the door Lorelai pushed him back a little, his hands on either side of her head on the door. She bent a little, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and pushed them to the floor. He stepped out of them and as soon as they were kicked aside the pushed him against the wall and frantically kissed every part of him she could. When their lips met again she jumped up as he moved forward and tangled her legs around his back. He placed his hands on her jeans covered ass and carried her over to the bedroom door. It took several minutes of them both attempting to open the door while still connected to each other before it was opened and they were inside the room. He carried her over to the bed and threw her down.__

Waiting by the closet down the hall  
I can see her shadow on the wall  
All of this for a bum like me  
Beauty only for my eyes to see

He stared at her then. She was beautiful. She wore lightly faded jeans and a lacy black bra. Her skin was the same porcelain and silk that he remembered. She lay there waiting for his next move. Luke kneeled above her on the bed and unbuttoned her jeans. Slowly he brought the zipper down and she arched her hips so that he could pull them off. Once they were thrown across the room he bent down to take her lips with his own again. They lay there, he on top of her, kissing for several moments when neither could wait any longer. He took off her bra and panties, then discarded his own underwear. They got underneath the covers and settled down side by side. Luke ran his hands up and down her side and Lorelai shivered at the goose bumps rising on her skin. He gently pushes her to her back and places one of her knees on either side of his hips. Once they are intimately connected they both still and stare into each others eyes. She leans forward and gives him a deep kiss, once separated she tucks her head into his shoulder and urges him to move.

_  
I can see it  
When she comes  
And she wants everyone to know  
She calls my name, she calls my name  
And she never lets me go  
Have all my efforts found the way  
Have all my efforts gone astray_

They rock against each other slowly at first and gradually gain speed and power. By the time their moans, groans, and sighs are reverberating off the walls she is repeatedly hitting her head against the back of the bed. One arm is search for something to hang onto behind her while the other is kneading and scratching at the tight muscles of his back. He doesn't feel the pain of it, too much pleasure going on, but in the deep recesses of his mind he knows that showering tomorrow will be excruciating. She is softly calling out his name. It is her mantra as the wonderfully warm feeling in her stomach grows. She is close and he knows this. Her legs tighten around him and her back arches, body nearly off the bed. He increases his pace more and she throws her head back, screaming his name and panting heavily her body releases and she begins to come down from her high. He moves inside her in strong quick thrusts until he has released himself into her.__

Feel all the pieces falling right back into place  
Feel all emotions dripping down into my face  
And all the love I know she feels for me  
I can feel it  
When she comes

Afterwards, when their breathing has calmed down and their heartbeats are back to a resting rate, they cling to each other. Neither says anything, knowing that they don't need to. It has been a long six years. Each knows that tonight does not erase all of the pain and hurt but that it's a start and that is all that matters. They lay on the bed together kissing and caressing. Early in the morning they finally fall asleep happy, sated, limbs intertwined and wrapped up together in a warm cocoon of blankets. Talking on hold for tomorrow.


	9. Collide

**So it's done. Over. Finished. FIN. **

**Now, I am HOPING to revise it. And maybe even add a super-secret lost chapter… because well… **

**I heard a good song the other day and it'd fit plus I wrote it and can do whatever I want. ;)**

**Thanks for reading my first attempt and all your reviews. **

**I probably won't put any revised edition on here but on BWR because it'd just be easier so… keep an eye out for it (later) this spring.**

**Collide**

_The dawn is breaking  
A light shining through  
You're barely waking  
And I'm tangled up in you  
Yeah  
_

Rays of sunshine were now streaming in from the window; Luke could feel the heat of them on his back. Stirring slightly, he could not shake the confused haze in his brain.  
The place felt familiar, but not. Struggling, he tried to move but couldn't, when that didn't work he tried to open his eyes and found them unwilling to cooperate.

Defeated he lay there for a short time longer and tried again. This time his eyes opened to the bright morning-lit room. He still could not move this was not because of his own body's rejection of the idea but because of the woman whose body was intertwined with his own. Lorelai lay mostly on top of him and their legs and arms were so mixed up it was hard to tell where she ended and he began.

Gently he removed one of his arms from her and slowly began to stroke the exposed skin of her back. They were covered only by a thin sheet that began at the foot of the bed and ended at the small of her back. Her hair was a mess, spread out across his chest. He breathed deeply and the sweet smell of her shampoo greeted his senses. He was struck then by a memory of long ago when they first began and had spent a lazy Sunday like today getting better acquainted with each others bodies.

He felt her take a deep breath and sigh as he ran his hand along her side causing goose bumps to form from the sensation.

"Morning" He said lethargically. She took her free arm and pushes back her hair to look at him, her chin resting on his chest.

"Morning back." She smiled then and kissed his chin, slowly her lips traveled up to his earlobe and began to suck and softly bite. He groaned as she detangled their legs and straddled him.

_  
I'm open, you're closed  
Where I follow, you'll go  
_

She had woken before him as the sun was rising and the light hit her eyes. She had looked at him, sleeping peacefully with his arms around her and felt for the first time in a long time completely and utterly safe. She lifted her head to see the clock behind him and deciding it was much to early for them to be awake, closed her eyes; sleep would not come to her again as she wondered what last night had really meant and what would happen when he woke up.

The quick change in his breathing signaled to her that he was awake. Momentarily her body froze but then relaxed when he brought his hand to her back, caressing her. When his hand slipped to her side her body reacted and after their brief words she looked at him and decided that she was not ready for this to be over, if he regretted this once fully aware of the situation she wanted to take every last bit of him she could.

Once they were connected together she began to push herself up and down on him. Her eyes closed tight at the glorious feeling spreading throughout her and then quickly sprang open to feed her need of seeing him. She needed to see him, to know this was real. Her hands were on his chest, helping to steady her. As much as she was enjoying the moment she soon tired from the exertion and felt his hands on her hips as he sat up with her still in his lap and lifted her body in a steady rhythm counter to his own powerful upward thrusts. She wrapped her arms around his neck and moaned loudly at the tightness growing inside her. A few moments longer and she could hold back no longer, with a loud moan and a gasp of his name she came and shuddered around him. The feeling sent him over the edge and with two more pushes upward he let himself go, chanting her name and kissing her shoulder.

_I worry I won't see your face  
Light up again_

Later that morning she awoke again to find him missing from the bed. Her heart began to beat wildly as it dropped to her stomach and tears threatened to spill. He was gone. She knew it had been too good. He still had not forgiven her and once he had been able to think straight this morning he had fled from her. Choking back a sob she brought a hand to her head and began to shake.

That is when she heard it. A clang.

Jumping up she reached for her robe and once it was secure she opened the bedroom door. From the hallway her nose was assaulted with the smells of brewing coffee and sizzling bacon. She smiled and wiped away the few tears that had escaped her attempts to hold them back.

She practically ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. There he was, like so many times before, standing over stove doing what he does best _well, second best_ she thought with a carnal gleam in her eye.

He looked up at her and smiled.

"Coffee's ready, food should be done soon."

Silently she grabbed a favorite mug from the cupboard and poured herself a cup of the deliciously warm black liquid. She sat at the table facing him. He finished cooking and brought two plates over; sitting down next to her they ate in a comfortable silence. Every few moments they would look up from the table and smile at each other. Luke's was a near grin and Lorelai's was one that seemed to be locking up a laugh inside her.

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
I somehow find  
You and I collide_

After breakfast, they had retreated back up to the bedroom and sat close to one another as the real work began.

Each reassured the other that last night was wanted, needed and that there was no way to forget it or move backwards.

They promised each other that now things would only, could only move forward.

Their were tears and some harsh words as more grievances from the past were brought up but for hours they talked, truly talked and worked out what should have  
been fixed many years before.

Both were sad and ashamed at the time wasted but knew that they couldn't dwell on that now.

Neither could live with out the other and they knew it.

By the end of the conversation they knew where they stood and proceeded to get past the failures of their relationship by practicing the successes of it in the shower.

Once sated, cleaned, and dressed they went downstairs just in time to hear the closing of a car door followed by the rambunctious sounds of their son racing up the porch steps.

_I'm quiet you know  
You make a first impression  
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind_

Once her parents had left and Jude's stories of his weekend away were finished they sat the little boy down and to they could explained to him that they were now going  
to be a family and that Luke would be coming to live with them.

The little boy had had many questions and they answered them in a way easiest for him to understand.

What he had gotten from the conversation was that they loved each other and just because in the past they both messed up didn't mean they stopped loving each other and  
that now they were going to try their hardest to be together. They made no promises of happily ever after to him and made the situation as realistic as possible to the five year old boy.

He sat there when they were finished for a moment and thought. They looked at him expectantly, hoping he would take the news of their reconciliation well.

He smiled at them and nodded his head.

"It's okay, you can live here Daddy. Is my tree house done yet?"

They laughed at him and Luke shook his head yes and chased after his son as he raced out to look.

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the stars refuse to shine  
Out of the back you fall in time  
I somehow find  
You and I collide_

_Don't stop here  
I lost my place  
I'm close behind_

It was a cool New England spring morning. Lorelai was enjoying a much needed morning off and doing some chores around the house. She was putting the last of the  
clothes into the dryer when she heard soft thuds coming from the living room.

"Mommy, mommy. I'm going fishing today!" came the loud voice of her six-year-old son.

"I know," she replied walking into the kitchen "how many are you going to catch today?"

"uhm… TEN!"

"TEN? Ten WHOLE fish? You must be a really great fisherman."

"I am. I gotta go mommy, we have to leave, early bird gets the worm you know."

"Oh I do know." She bent down and ruffled his hair placing a kiss on his cheek. He scrunched up his face in mock disgust and turn to run out the door.

"Hey," came Luke's voice from the archway.

"Hey, you better hurry up or he might leave with out you." She smiled at him and he pulled her to him for a kiss and a hug.

"Nah, haven't gotten to the subtle intricacies of driving a stick shift yet, saving that for next weekend."

"Well, have fun with you manly bonding and worm squishing and what not."

"Oh we will, and that better be your last cup of coffee for the day." He said, pointing to the mug on the table.

"Uh, no way mister. It's my lifeline."

"It'll have two heads." He replied in faux gruffness.

"The previous two did not receive some sort of circus worthy freak feature from my coffee intake, what makes you think this one will?"

"Whatever, Crazy Lady." He kissed her again quickly and then brought his hand to her slightly protruding belly as he bent down.

"See you later baby, I love you, don't grow any extra body parts." He then turned to leave.

"HEY! What about me."

"What, you know I love you _Mrs._ Danes."

"I know, it's just nice to hear it." She winked at him and waved goodbye as he shook his head and left.

She looked out the window and watched as they gathered their things and got in the beaten green truck and drove away.

She smiled and placed her hand on her stomach.

A warm feeling of pure happiness and content rushed through her as she realized that she finally got what she always wanted.

A home.

_You finally find  
You and I collide  
You finally find  
You and I collide_

_**YEAH I'm such a cheese ball.**_


End file.
